BE YOURSELF…you are enough–Series~Tip #4

PEOPLE - ME2. istock-illustration-13046556-humanBE YOURSELF … Part 4 of a personal challenge blog series that shares my 6 TIPS on how to embrace BEING YOU.

If you have not read the start of this series, you can access previous parts in my Life Coaching blog box.

In my previous BE YOURSELF blogs, I’ve spoken about being YOU, being genuine, open and honest, your real self.   Today I’m sharing what I believe is the most important tip.

Today, I strongly urge you to take care of yourself first … to love yourself enough to focus on what makes you happy.  To really know what you need to live a balanced, satisfying life … and choose the things that give you that.

Why is this THE most important tip?

Well, I see many people who are afraid to put themselves first, to treat themselves well … to be seen as THAT selfish!  Like there is some glory or trophy awarded for sacrificing your own happiness … like someone’s going to pin a medal on you in your elderly years that will make it all worthwhile?

REALLY? … if you are unhappy now and sacrificing your own needs for others, do you really think that will change 20, perhaps 30 years from now? …

I recall a defining point in my life … a ‘wake-up’ thought that came to me while sitting alone self-reflecting one night …if I’m frustrated and angry now [late 30s], I’m going to be really bitter and twisted by the time I’m 55, if I keep sacrificing my happiness to please others”.

Many women [especially Mothers] put themselves last on the list … like they are unworthy or undeserving. Think about the message that gives to the children … if they are boys -” this is how you treat women/wives”if they are girls -“women come last in the pecking order … have to sacrifice their needs/wants for others“.  

I certainly didn’t want to give my children [late teens at the time] that message … so I decided ten years ago to make changes that would make me a better person … happier, living a fuller life, more of a role model in positive action and personal power than martyrdom.

Perhaps you are a CEO or Executive working excessive hours without breaks … indirectly giving a message to others that ”to be a successful leader, you have to sacrifice self and home-life”.  Little wonder we have decreasing numbers of people stepping up for leadership positions, especially women.

I’ve been there too … from business owner to regional management … long hours, thinking that I was  a role model manager for not only my direct reports, but those complacent public service positional posers above.  Ha! … 2012 brought another epiphany … a wake-up call:  I realised that I was little more than a political puppet … that there was so much more I could achieve if not being pushed down into an increasingly smaller box … if not having to play small to fit others ideals. I needed to once again take charge of me … to value what I had to offer … to do what was right for me. I had to be where I could make a greater difference … which I’ve learned is a key driver of my satisfaction.

Lesson learned: Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

So … my #FOUR TIP to BE YOU is …  Self-love MUST come first.

This is NOT about being selfish … it means that you have focused self-awareness and love yourself enough to choose to do the things that make you happy and experience a more balanced life. When you hone your self-management skills, you will form better relationships, increase your energy, your output and your success in life. 

CARE for YOU … Remember: At the end of the day, you are better off caring about yourself than anyone else.

If you feel you have to please others first and put yourself last … STOP … the time to change that is RIGHT NOW.

PS: Self-awareness and self-management skills form the foundation of Emotional Intelligence – EQ.  If you want to build your EQ muscle, check out our SEIP introductory coaching package.

 

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